Hallmark-esque Holiday-Movie Mad Libs!
‘Tis the season to be…honestly, a little punchy. We’ve been working our elfing tales off (TALES. Get it? A little editor humor for you there. Hey, we said we were punchy) and fending off the holiday-time-off distractions for as long as humanly possible. But writers, we are human. We get distracted. We eat holiday cookies. We’ve, okay, maybe been slipping a little boozy eggnog into our coffees.
And…we…we’ve been watching …. HALLMARK-ESQUE HOLIDAY MOVIES.
We confess, okay! Whether you find them cheesy or profound, happy or heinous, cozy or catastrophic…love them or hate them, they are a December staple and we wouldn’t have it any other way.
So, in between our boozy coffees and mile-high holiday to-do lists, we here at Angelella Editorial put our Santa-hat-bedecked heads together and came up with a little writerly treat for you.
If you’d like to play solo and be surprised by the story, here’s a list of what you need to come up with first:
name of “high-powered” career
basic white-girl name
name of life goal unfairly equated with feminine success
type of relative (ex: uncle, stepson, etc.)
the last thing you ate:
article of clothing are you wearing
last thing you spent money on but didn’t want to
the most embarrassing song you loved from your youth
common pizza topping
a product that is frequently purchased in bulk
name of a children’s TV personality from the late 20th century
name of attractive celebrity
holiday activity involving snow
holiday activity involving a loud, joyful family
weather pattern
some far-off land
name of men’s cologne
number
another number
domesticated animal
yet another number
wild animal
activity that elderly women enjoy
favorite dessert
favorite beverage
another type of relative
type of room
type of holiday ornament
adjective
name of item commonly found in a pantry
movie-theatre concession food
last warm beverage you consumed
Big-city _______ [name of “high-powered” career], _______ [basic white-girl name], is about to get the biggest promotion (and raise!) of her life. But when it comes to _______ [name of life goal unfairly equated with feminine success], she’s cash-poor.
UNTIL….She gets a call from her _______ [type of relative] who pleads with her to come back to her hometown of _______ [the last thing you ate] Falls. It seems the _______ [article of clothing you are wearing] Festival is in danger of _______ [name last thing you spent money on but didn’t want to].
She immediately cues up _______ [the most embarrassing song you loved from your youth] on her Spotify and comes up with a plan to save the festival. All she needs is a _______ [common pizza topping], some _______ [a product that is frequently purchased in bulk], and to enlist the help of _______ [name of a children’s TV personality from the late 20th century].
BUT, when she reaches out to them, she realizes their assistant is her childhood best friend who looks like_______[name of attractive celebrity] and who still remembers their holiday tradition of baking enormous gingerbread houses. Attractive Assistant makes a deal: They’ll get _______ [same name of a children’s TV personality from the late 20th century] whom they work for to help save the festival, but first, our heroine needs to spend a Holi-Day with them doing all their favorite things: _______ [holiday activity involving snow], _______ [holiday activity involving a loud, joyful family], and of course, the gingerbread championship.
They travel back to their hometown and await the arrival of _______ [same name of a children’s TV personality from the late 20th century]. But disaster strikes when a huge _______ [weather pattern] grounds _______ [again, same name of a children’s TV personality from the late 20th century] while they were working in _______ [some far-off land]. Now the Attractive Assistant and _______ [same basic white-girl name] must figure out a way to save the festival on their own. But there’s no way they can do it alone. They need the whole town’s help to make it a success.
UNFORTUNATELY …. _______[same basic white-girl name]’s ex boyfriend _______ [name of men’s cologne] is now the town’s mayor and he’s a huge fan of Kafka and kafkaesque bureaucracy. He stipulates that for the festival to go forward, _______ [same basic white-girl name] and her Attractive Assistant must first get _______ [number #1] of townspeople signatures as well as gather _______ [number #2] _______ [domesticated animal] and _______ [number #3] _______ [wild animal] and make them _______ [activity that elderly women enjoy].
_______ [same basic white-girl name] and Attractive Assistant make a whirlwind procession through town gathering signatures, stopping at the _______ [favorite dessert] shop, the _______ [favorite beverage] shop, and a bookstore run by Attractive Assistant’s quirky _______ [relative]. While at the bookstore, _______ [same basic white-girl name] and AA get trapped in a _______ [type of room] alone. They look up and see a _______ [type of holiday ornament] over their heads. They share a _______ [adjective] kiss.
The plucky pair realize they were made for bigger and better things! They decide they don’t need their jobs in _______ [same name as high-powered career] OR pseudo-celebrity assistanthood. So they deliver the _______ [same domesticated animal] and _______ [same wild animal] who are _______ [same activity that elderly women enjoy, and add “ing.”]
BUT THEN they ditch _______ [same name of a children’s TV personality from the late 20th century] AND _______ [same name of men’s cologne], leaving the festival and the townspeople behind…because who needs Kafka after you’ve graduated college and found romance anyway? The pair move to a cottage at the top of Mount _______ [item commonly found in a pantry], where they share a passionate kiss every time they walk by their _______ [same type of holiday ornament] and live off _______ [movie theatre concession food] and _______ [last warm beverage you consumed] for the rest of their days.
Well. Until Christmas the next, when _______ [same name of men’s cologne] shows up to declare his love for [EITHER same basic white-girl name OR “Attractive Assistant”].
To be continued….
We hope you enjoyed the holiday fruitcakes of our delirious labor! We wish you all the happiest of holidays, writers, and a muse who is much better at abstaining from the holiday spirits than all of us.